It's not Halloween, so why are you wearing a mask?
You might say "what?", but everyone wears masks. I find that there is the real us, then what we let other people see, and that could change from group to group. Now, when I go to work, I put on my work mask, or queue up work masks.
I hold a full time job as a computer programmer in a company that is very high-pressured. With this high pressure, no matter what the company claims about caring about their employees, the people that work there get pushed, dumped on, and burned out. The energy in there is very negative, and depending on what's happening, those that can feel it, can almost touch it like it is solid.
It is funny when you talk to the people I work with, and the people I deal with outside of work. The people at work will tell you that I am the most negative person in the world. The people I associate with outside of work will tell you that they can't imagine me having a negative thought. Hmmmm. Is this a sign of balance? If it is, it is a strange way of achieving it.
The problem is that it is hard to be positive in all the negativity of the work environment. Outside of there, I'm doing healing (not that I'm not doing it at work, but have been told to do it on my lunch break, duh), I'm teaching, I'm taking class, I'm into many positive things.
Now, when I'm in the negative environment, I have on one of my masks. The mask is the face I show the people there, It is what I have to keep them from seeing the real me, the vulnerable me. Oh, don't get the idea that I put on numerous personas, as I have seen some people do. I am always me, but I will hide my real feelings rather than let them see what is really going on. Mostly because they don't care, and if I don’t hide my feelings, then it just makes me look bad. I can be walking down the hall, in a bad mood, and someone will say hi to me. Rather than turning to them and being grumpy, I'll turn, smile, and say hi. Now, which mask was that? Oh yes, Work Mask number 127.
I tend to think that we have a 'self' that is known only to ourselves. Maybe that 'self' is known to one or two other people depending on where they are in our trust. Sometimes, we even lie to ourselves, and then we don't even know what the real 'us' is.
The 'self' we know, we know in the depths of darkness and the brilliance of light. This is us at our most vulnerable, our most real. This is the real us that not too many people get to see. This is the ‘us’ that we share with a spouse, a lover (and they can be the same), or a dear trusted friend. Even then, there may be a slight mask. I may not wear any masks when I am with my wife, but now and then, when I may be in a bad mod, I will put on a different face so that she will not worry, especially when she has her own problems to deal with. (This is not a lack of honesty, this is care and concern for the other person.) When we go out into the real world, we hide that a bit for fear of getting hurt. I have seen some people cover it with a fake personality. I see others be bluntly honest, covering it very little. I'd like to think that I am there, but I know that is not always true. I think most people end up somewhere in the middle.
I actually had one time when I realized all the masks I was wearing. I had a few for work, I had a few that I used out in the public, and even had one or two that I wore when I was with friends. I was starting to worry because I was starting to wonder if I was putting on a "Teacher's Mask".
I do my best to be as open and honest as I can in every situation. When I teach, it flows from me, from the heart. I put so much of myself into what I do, that to think of putting on a mask when I teach is so repulsive and scary that I started to wonder if I should be teaching. If I can't teach open and honestly, then it is time to stop. If I then stop altogether, or until I straighten out what I'm doing, then so be it. It took some soul searching and a couple friends that got me straight.
It takes an awful lot of trust to drop your masks in front of anyone. I got together with a very good friend one time, and we finally managed to drop every mask we had. The openness and honesty was so amazing. Our friendship deepened so much more. It was not easy. It took some meditation, and letting go of habits that make us respond in certain ways.
Take a look at what you have going on. Can you see the masks you wear? How many are there? Is there a way you can eliminate any?
Take a good look, and give it a try. You can do it.