I did a Reiki session last night, but in doing this, I found out more about myself than anything else.
Adele wanted to take Reiki, but wanted to see what it was like first. I worked on her for about 45 minutes or so, then she started telling me about myself.
Adele is similar to Acaysha in how she can talk with her angels (guides, whatever). She was told that she needed to tell me some things, and her angels kept conferring with mine to make sure she could.
In a previous life, I had been a wizard. I abused my powers, actually everyone did. I may not have done so as much as others, but I still did. The past life we're talking about was the one in Atlantis. Everyone there abused their powers, and what little history survived tells us what happened because of it. (Someone told me that I knew Shirley Maclaine back then.)
There are beings that are wizards, and elves, and brownies, and other things. My friend Andrea told me a story of someone in her National Guard unit that said he was a brownie. She initially thought he was a little old to be a girl scout, but then he clarified it, and proved it. They had a rubber band 'gun' that they used to play with. From a very few feet away, he told Andrea to shoot him. Andrea was actually so close, that it was almost impossible for her to miss. Yet, she did. Every rubber band she fired at him went off in some different direction like it was hitting a wall and careening off. Interesting huh?
Well, according to Adele, I'm a wizard in this life (that's wizard not whizzer). And although I should be abounding in my gifts and abilities, there are actually several reasons why I am not developing quicker, and they are all hidden in past lives. I remember in a meditation that Kay led, I saw a past life where I had stolen some staff or some such that belonged to a wizard. I actually stole it from people that it didn't belong to and was trying to return it to its rightful owner when the bad guys caught up to me. I claimed that the staff belonged elsewhere, and that I would bring forth the energies from it and destroy them if they did not let me go. Although I tried to harness the power, I could not. My belief was not strong enough. The next thing I knew, there was an arrow sticking out of my chest. (Now that's a bad way to end your day.) Adele told me that in that life, I was a wizard's apprentice, and I had a problem with believing enough in what I was doing to make things happen.
According to Adele, I don't believe in myself as much as I should. Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. My faith in myself has never been as strong as the faith others have in me. This is one of the reasons I don't move forward. Another is that I am afraid that I'll abuse my abilities again as I did in Atlantis. I'll admit to this being true as well.
As we all do, I walk a line between light and dark, between good and evil. The dark side is very seductive, ask Obi Wan. Given certain powers and abilities (far beyond those of mortal men... sorry), would you use them for good, or evil? Would you start out doing good, but then get lazy and start using these 'gifts' to help yourself instead of others. (And we know that in helping others, we are helping ourselves.) It goes back to the dreams a lot of kids had while in high school, to have the powers of Superman. The question is, having x-ray vision, would you use it for good, or would you spend your time looking in the girls' locker room?
I guess the saying that 'absolute power corrupts absolutely' weighs heavily on my mind when I think about my gifts getting stronger. It would be real easy to reach down and send some nasty energy at someone, or wish them something bad when they get me upset. But I don't. The last thing I want to do is start sending negative energies. Basically, I don't want to turn to the dark side of the force. I'm told that if I can cut the ties to my past and open myself up, I'll start growing at a quicker rate. This goes back to a word a friend used to tell me a lot... acceptance.
Sooo, I am realizing that I need to accept being a wizard. As many times as I have been called an energy wizard, and pushed that title away, now I have to accept it as me. I have started slowly. I now have a new Hotmail account, EnergyWizard1@hotmail.com. Don't go writing to it as right now, I only go in once a month to clean out the garbage.
The other thing is that I need to believe that I deserve these gifts. I deserve to be happy. I didn't know that I was pushing that away, but, I really am. I can see the pattern in my mind where I feel I don't deserve a lot of things. This is something I need to turn around. I deserve to be happy, hell, we all do. Think about that with yourself.
She also told me that my angels would now start healing me, and they would start that night. I woke up this morning and one of my problems was gone. I also have calmed down a lot, and am managing to stay above my problems. As long as this lasts, things will be good.
So, I guess I need to let go of a lot of things, and that will drop a load off that will allow me to move forward. Maybe I need to change my business cards. Hmmm… you're friendly neighborhood energy wizard? Naw, not yet.