A few weeks ago, I was down in south Florida doing healing work. Some things went very, very well, but some things went very, very wrong.
Keep in mind that I am writing this long after the event, and because of that I'm able to add in some things that I didn't know as of this date.
While I was there, I worked on four people. The first got a massage, but the remaining three needed a lot done. I began each with my basic scanning with my guides giving me answers to fix the problems. Then came the Reiki sessions and massage sessions. A lot of powerful energy work was done. Part of each session got very tiring, so we took breaks between sections. I was told that this was not the right thing to do.
Apparently, each client was releasing nasty things, in some cases nasty entities. By going out of the room, they managed to follow out there and wreak havoc, at least after a while. I later tried to clean the house, but they ignored what I did. Actually, they hid in the attic as I cleaned the inside of the house. This was something I had never thought about.
The house was shielded from the outside so nothing could get in. By cleaning the inside of the house and not thinking about the areas I couldn't see, like the attic, I left the nasties someplace to go while still within the shields. Had they gone out of the shields, they would not have been able to get back in (or so I believe). But by staying in, they simply waited for the cleaning to end.
In the end, they had attacked my friend whom I had been staying with, and caused her to have a bad night followed by several bad days. 'Do no harm'. That is one of the precedents of Reiki. That is also just plain old common sense for healers. Although it was unknowingly that it happened (and all hindsight is 20/20), it still happened and I felt bad about it.
My friend told me that my dark guides attached themselves to her and was making her miserable. She told me that I needed to make sure that I attached to the pure white light. Basically she told me that I didn't know what I was doing (without telling me that). She told me that when I say 'I don't know what I'm doing, just following the advice of my guides' that I am letting dark powers in. On top of that, she told me that my ego got in the way of what I had tried to do.
Well, you can imagine what this did to me. It sent me on a deep depression. I was upset that something I did hurt someone. What was worse was that I had done a cleansing with white light, and it failed. I had been getting help from my guides, but I had always thought of them of the white light. Now, I'm being told that they are not. Ok, so where does that leave me? It leaves me thinking that I don't have a clue what I'm doing, and that maybe I should hang up this whole energy thing before someone else gets hurt.
Dark things can become attached to people even if they know what they are doing and don't mess with any black arts. When we are angry, upset, or depressed, we let in dark things that can attach themselves to us (actually, we attract them). A couple of years ago when I was seeing Darrell, he had managed to spot a couple and get rid of them. With the way my day job had been going, I spent a lot of time in anger and depression. Hmmm, no wonder. It is highly possible that having been through all that recently along with other things piling up (and adding this current depression), I was attracting a whole host of things.
Well, stepping back (which I eventually did) made me look at how I was doing things. When I call in my guides, I don't go out and specifically say that I want those from the white light, but as I was taught, subconsciously I am asking for guides for the highest purpose. I am not calling in dark guides, so that was one problem resolved. Maybe I need to be more vocal in my specifications, but I am not calling in dark powers.
When I clean places or people (including me) with white light, I know that it is white light. Sometimes the connection may not be as strong as I like, and now that makes me wonder if I am really doing it, or just imagining it (a problem all energy workers face). When I cleaned her house, I had not gotten all the inside, only the living areas. I now know that I need to include everything within the shielded area. (Like I said, hindsight is 20/20. All we can do is learn from it and move on.)
She was probably right about not coming out of the 'treatment room' until I had completed all the treatments on the current person. I also had to find a way to send any negative energy out of the 'treatment room' as well as surrounding areas. I probably need to define my shields better.
As far as ego goes, well, I'm not real sure here. I really try to keep ego out of everything as I know I can only do what I am allowed by a higher power. The phrase "damn I'm good" usually doesn't come out of my mouth, except as in a joke. I think this may be where I think I am doing something, and I'm not. The problem is that when I think that I feel I know what I'm doing, I may be showing ego. At the same time, how can I be confident if I am always in doubt, and unsure? I have confidence in the powers above and their ability and desire to work with me (or through me), but I have my doubts in myself. But when those doubts are erased, I'm told I'm using ego. Sounds a lot like a riddle. Or a circle. Don't know. I guess I'll have to go around with that a while.
Now, as to my saying that I don't know what I'm doing and just trusting, that is absolutely true. I am being guided to do something and I am doing that. Do I know what I am truly doing? Do I know what energies I'm setting up or what circuit I'm creating? No. But I do trust that my guides have directed me to do the right thing, and it will help the person I'm working on. I can't see how that is allowing dark energies in. When we doubt, we open the door to negativity? That is possible. But the only thing I doubt in this is me.
My friend wrote me and told me that I needed to read a book, 'Earth: the Pleiadian Keys to the Living Library'. She said that she was told to tell me that and I needed to go through it soon. The book was interesting, and somewhat similar to Ascension Theory. In short it was telling about how everything we needed to know was stored in the earth in some way and was accessible through the ability to read energies. Hmmm. The bottom line is that it got me thinking along new lines to tap into the higher energies.
I went through this new route and pulled in white light (or actually asked for the higher power to do some things here. I saw three dark things go out of me, and then my house was cleansed and reshielded. Hmmm, cool.
The bottom line of all this is that I have made up my mind that I want to continue to help heal people. In doing that, I will continue using energies (as well as physical things). But I am a bit hesitant and unsure. So, I am doing things slowly, making sure that I actually do have the energies that I want to be working with. I'm relearning everything I do, and that makes me a little hesitant before doing anything. I guess I'm not as confident. I'm not as willing to just reach out and help someone. And I'm not going to do that until I feel somewhat sure that what I do is going to help.
But as I work slowly, I learn, and I gain confidence. Obviously, I needed to see that I had problems in how I was thinking, and this is making me build a better foundation on what I do. And with that foundation, I'll be a much better healer when I get a few levels under me. So, I guess I'm going to do some construction for a while. Ok, where do those steel beams go?