I talk about energy a lot, how energy can affect someone, do various things, even affect how people act. How about considering energy as a permeating force driving a group of people? Well, tonight I saw it first hand, and was part of it.
For several years now, the City of Jacksonville has been trying to push through a project to improve drainage in the area by rebuilding the canal (pronounced crick) behind our house and about 50 others. Last night, they held a not too announced public meeting to tell us that the project would start in three months and that they would take half of our yards with no compensation. (In my case, this means moving a fence, re-plumbing a sprinkler system, and losing some nice fruit trees, costing thousands of dollars to do, not to mention the loss of property and lowering of the property value.) The energy we’re talking about here... anger.
Now, when I walked in the room, I was not happy, but I was not angry. As I sat there and listened to the city engineer explaining everything, and choosing his terms specifically to try to make us think that they weren’t stealing our land, I found myself getting angrier by the second. It was so bad that I was shaking. As I looked around the room, everyone was going through the same thing. I mean things were so bad that it could have turned into an uncontrollable mob had it gone on too much longer. (luckily, they held it at the library which had to close early.)
The energy of anger simply reached out form one person to another, to another. It eventually permeated everything and everyone in the room. Now, I know I should have shielded. I should have gone through my calming exercises. But I didn’t. All I wanted to do was burst out in anger and yell and scream and lose control. Yes, that’s what I wanted to do. It was contagious.
I was however, able to talk civilly, carefully, with anger but not profanity, and get my point across, not that anyone really cared to address my questions. I was able to make my points without looking like a total fruitcake and making them avoid me. But the anger was overwhelming.
Last night, I didn’t sleep much because this anger hung with me a lot. Every time I closed my eyes, I was there at the meeting feeling the anger. So not only had the energy permeated everyone there, it followed us home. (I think I need to cleanse the house now.) Wow. I don’t remember the last time I got so caught up in group emotions like this. It has been years. Normally, I have enough control to deal with it. But the anger made me not want to be in control. Scary situation huh?
I am plenty reasonable now. And I see what happened, and know how and why. It’s very scary to know that everyone there wanted to lash out just as I did. It could very easily been a mob scene. To know that it is happening, and not want to do anything about it is very, very frightening.
Think about this when you’re in crowds. It is very easy for something dark to come in and ‘work the crowd’. Notice it. Move yourself from its control. But mostly, remember what happened here, and use that to spur you into positive action. I know the memory will stick with me for a long time. And I hope that next time, I will be able to, actually want to assert control.