December 22, 2011

A while ago, I got notice that my high school was having a class reunion, or should I say another class reunion. To date, I haven't been to any, and I really don't plan on going. But it does make me think, what do people expect when you go to a class reunion? And then the next thought, why should one feel they should live up to those expectations?

I think that back in high school, everyone had expectations of what they're going to be or what they're going to do. And not only do we have expectations for ourselves, others had expectations for us as well. But as we find out, life doesn't always live up to our expectations.

There are always the people that are going to be successful no matter what. Then there are the people that think they're going be successful, but turn out to be less than expected, like the football jock who now sells insurance because he couldn't do anything else.

What expectations did I have myself? Truly, what did I want to be when I grew up? I guess I'm still wondering that one. I was into all types of science fiction, and floated into computers. I mean, science fiction, computers? It made perfect sense, except when the computer came up and said "I'm sorry Brian I'm afraid I can't do that."

As much fun as working with computers was, now I'm a massage therapist, and frankly, I get much more enjoyment from what I do now than what I did previously. Being able to help people is just wonderful. For example, today I had a client that said he felt like there was a knife stabbing him in the shoulder, of course there wasn't. But within five minutes, that pain was gone. I could never get that feeling of accomplishment on my best day of programming computers.

But how does it stack up to the expectations I and others had of me as I left high school? It is probably a big change. But truly, what do I care of what others think of me that I went to high school with? Why do I feel I should measure up to what their thoughts are or might have been?

There are several reasons why I will never go to a class reunion. The first is that I really didn't have that many friends. I was always the kid that was picked on by the bullies. The friends that I had, stayed with me for a few years afterwards, but we have all drifted apart. And while it would be good to see some of them, they were such a small percentage of the class that it is not worth it.

The other reason is that I don't feel I need to go there to see if I measure up to what expectations I had or they had. I don't need to be measured against their social status (which I never fit into anyway), or their economic status. While I don't make a lot of money at what I do (something I hope will change), I am much more fulfilled at the level of my heart that I have been with any work I've done to date. But I know that type of thing doesn't count at these types of events. It is always measuring people statuses. Are the losers still losers? Of those that were on the top of the food chain still there? None of this interests me.

I have never been one to play social games. Nor am I one to play office politics. (Maybe that is why I never truly fit into the groups that I worked with.) I like to be open and honest with everybody, which I feel transcends politics and social games.

So do I measure up to what my classmates expected of me? Who cares? Do I measure up to what I expected of me? That I don't know. But, do I measure up to what I expect of myself now? I think I do a pretty good job at that.