Over the past couple of months, I have been working feverishly to convert my old website to a new format. The hardest part was the 700 – 800 journal entries. But while I was doing that, I stopped and read a few, and am really surprised.
I have been journaling (blogging if you will) for the last 12 years. I have told of things I did, things I learned, things I found out. I have talked about moving energies, working with spirit, and going through life in general. Every now and then, I rant and rave over things. And while most of these entries are educational, some of them are aimed at teaching. My biggest thing was to make these not about me, but about what you (the reader) might consider possible where you would not have considered that before.
What has surprised me through this process is the amount of growth I have gone through, not just in abilities, but in thought processes and beliefs. Some things I thought when I started this, no longer hold credence. But it has taken 12 years to see that change. For instance, I have changed my thoughts on how spirit works, and how they interact with us. I’ve changed thoughts on how some energies work.
Most of what I said I still believe, and all too much of it still pulls at my heart. I have seen good times and bad. I have seen where friends have lost people close to them, and I have questioned the right in that. I have questions spirit, and I have questioned myself and my own abilities.
For instance, 2003 sucked as a year. During this year, I lost my Reiki teacher, my friend who stayed with me out of high school, and my cat of 21 years. Definitely a lot to go through. At the same time during that year, someone had read my journal from start to finish (an easier task then it is now). She suggested that I do the same as I would be amazed at the growth I have gone through in that short period of time. And she was right. I had grown a tremendous amount, and hadn’t realized it. (I always feel stuck form time to time. I feel like I am not growing, not moving forward. And the joke is that while I feel stagnant, I am growing and don’t realize it.)
When I look at that one post telling me to look at my growth, I look back at the eight more years since that time and go “wow”. I find it hard to believe, but I have come a long way. And I hope to continue to grow as I move forward.