I groveled in my darkness, seeing nothing, feeling nothing, fearing everything. I went into a meditation where I travelled to my core, my center. What I found there was a candle burning. Then darkness overtook me, and the candle went out. But there was still an ember, and that ember grew and relit the candle. There was still light there.
The light grew and created an area that was safe from the darkness. After all, darkness can not exist in light. Later on, when I was at my worst, my teacher, Marilyn, talked with me. She pointed out a lot of things that I knew, but I guess I truly did not know deep down inside. She told me that I am a great, spiritual healer, and what I am doing is my calling. She reminded me that she and I literally saved a life last year. Someone came in that was ready to commit suicide. Between the talking and the energy work we did, she came back from the brink and is doing well today. Finally, Marilyn took me through a meditation that truly started me back on the path to recovery, to being what I am supposed to be, a healer.
As she took me into the meditation, I was having trouble pushing back the darkness. But then the room got very crowded. I could feel spirits in the room with us, healers, teachers, and more. They were there offering love and support. And there was another figure in the corner. Marilyn referred to this figure as an angel.
The angel came over and offered me love, and I could not take it, could not accept it. Why should I? I didn’t deserve it? I was just a worthless person who didn’t deserve anything good happening to me. I was exactly what this person, my competition, said I was.
But this angel kept offering. And kept offering. I could feel the love coming from this angel as well as all the spirits in the room. It was overwhelming. Tears were flowing out of my closed eyes. I have only felt this type of overwhelming love once before in my lifetime. This was the time many years ago when I was practicing astral projection, and my astral body was pulled away from where it was until I was surrounded by white light. While there I felt this amazing unconditional love. That was the same love I was feeling from all the spirits in the room. (And keep in mind, the room is the one that I do all my work in. So that room is still filled with love and light, and will stay that way.)
Finally, I accepted the gift. The light and loved poured through me, through every part of my being. I could feel it pushing into every cell of my body. I could feel it surrounding me, creating a buffer to the outside world.
Then slowly, I was brought out of the meditation. And I realized that I was safe. I was wearing my Teflon armor. (Nothing sticks to Teflon.) Anything further said, would simply slide off and go away.
And that room is also a safe haven for me. I can go there anytime I need to recharge in the same energies that made me better.
The climb up from the darkness got a whole lot brighter.