Overcoming Your Childhood
Some people have what they consider normal childhoods, but that begs the question... What is normal? What we considered normal even as little as 10 years ago is not normal today. Society is noticing things that it ignored before, and in some cases, it is going overboard on preventatives. In other cases, it is not doing enough.
But how 'normal' was yours? Were you the prom queen, the jock, the class clown, the wiz, the academic? Or did you struggle to get along? Did you fit in easily with everyone, or were you the outcast, the person that wanted to fit in, but just couldn't make it? Were you a bully? Or were you bullied?
Some memories have been popping up recently which has been prompting this article. As I think back on them, I wonder how I actually made it this far. How did I overcome what happened during those formative years? How did any of us? What did it do to us?
For myself, I could say I had normal childhood, but in those days, 'normal' was a broad topic. The jocks bullied people, and it was accepted as 'this is just what happens'. People were shunned if they weren't pretty and didn't fit into that 'in crowd' (of course, I'm not sure that is not all too different today, though we may be more aware of it).
I was a person that wanted to be in the 'in-crowd' but just didn't fit. After all, I really didn't care about sports, I was into science fiction. I read a lot (still do but not as much as I used to). Because of this, I was the one that was bullied, not only by classmates, but by teachers too. My memories of these things are still fairly vivid.
I remember my fourth grade class making paper bag costumes for Halloween to be judged by the class. We were each assigned a number for people to vote for. My number was zero as assigned by the teacher. Now what does that do for one's self esteem? I remember a gym teacher thinking I was talking in class, telling me that if I said another word that he would punch me in the stomach hard enough to make me throw up. (Had I known what I know today, I would have told him to 'make my day'.) And it was pointless to tell my parents because the teachers were always right, and you didn't argue. And no matter how many people punched me or hurt me, if I fought back, the punishment at home would be worse. Or if I told my folks, their response would be to tell a teacher, which of course would do nothing.
My desires were simple. I wanted to be someone that helped people, and I wanted to command starships. Those desires haven't changed much since I was a child. Today I am a person who helps people, but unlike my childhood vision, I don't wear a red cape and leap tall buildings at a single bound. And I still want to command starships, but that might have to wait for another lifetime. But how did I get from here to there? What came from all of that?
Perseverance? Possibly. Attitude adjustments? Definitely. I started to realize that I didn't care about the things others thought were important, I cared about what I thought was important. As I grew older, I learned that I really didn't care what others thought about me. I refused to let their judgment rule my life. I decided to be me, no matter what. But that took a lot of doing. My attitude was a big key. Looking at my earlier statement, I say that I may grow old, but never grow up. In that, my attitude shows that I do not care what people think as long as I can be me. I still like science fiction, and still don't care for sports. But I don't need to fit into a bucket with everyone else. I am comfortable standing alone. In fact, I feel sorry for those that think they still need to be in that bucket, to feel that if they are not in that crowd, they will have nothing. In truth, there are so many people on the outside that there are plenty to interact with.
What did all this do for me? It made me strong, not physically, but mentally, internally. It made me have faith in myself. And while I have faith in myself, and put myself out there for others to see, I like to think I am not pushy about it, gentle if you will (which is what makes me a bad salesperson). But while I am not pushing myself on others, I offer, and accept. I live on an edge of acceptance, and part of that is that I am accepted by different people than I wanted to be accepted by when I was younger.
I could have gone a totally different way. I could have been a person that went in and shot people that were bullying me. I could have committed suicide. I could have ended up in a padded cell. But I stuck with me. A few years ago, they tore down my high school and rebuilt it. Seeing the rubble, I joked that I used to imagine it looking just like that when I was attending classes. But instead of going dark, I turned toward the light.
But the journey to this point is never easy, and never short. We bounce from one thing to another. We learn lessons from each experience. But in what we do, we have to remind ourselves that we are strong. We have to adjust our priorities, our wants, our desires. We have to look at what we truly want, and not what we think we want. What truly is our dream? Then we need to walk away from things that will not help us get there. And we need to believe we can survive. It takes time, but the journey is worth it.
Childhood is a traumatic time. We deal with issues of self-esteem from being judged by others. We deal with hurt feelings, and pain. But if we are strong enough, we learn that we are the only ones worth judging us. And in that way we can become what we want to be. How did you survive childhood and become what you are today?