I had a friend and client in the other day who I have not seen in a good while. While she was here, she said something remarkable. In fact, it was so remarkable that I had to repeat it and expand upon it.
She said, "Love by the heart, not the gender." Now, setting aside that my friend has been considered gay, this is a unique, yet proper way of looking at things, and not just in who we love, but who we consider for anything from friends, to who we associate with, to partners. I mean, shouldn't we consider people based on their heart, not their sex, or size, or looks? Isn't their heart and mind the most important part of who they are?
Now, my friend has come off a relationship with another female, and is now dating a male. So I asked a question. (Now since she knows me, and knows that I don't judge, she answers any questions because she knows they come from actually curiosity, nothing more.) She responded with this line that she credits to the TV show "The L Word". Love by the heart. Just that much says tons.
Setting aside gender, this is how we should be looking at people all the time. Too often, people are judged by their weight, by their looks. But that outer shell is not the real person. To see the real person, you need to see what is on the inside, what lies in their heart and their mind.
Maybe when one looks at others, they instinctively judge on a baser, sexual attractiveness. Maybe that is what drives people to go to some and shun others. And that is done in all too many situations. I can remember going to a hot stone massage class many years ago. As we partnered up, the "pretty people" grabbed each other quickly so those that were not as perfect would have to work together. But what they lost out on was getting to know some very nice people.
We've seen this in high school and all areas growing up. Isn't it always the ones no one wants that get picked last and end up playing right field? But that got carried on to adult life.
The problem is that sexual attraction is good for some things, but not everything. Too many relationships start with that, and when that has run its course, there is nothing left to sustain a relationship. Where if people get together based on what is inside, those relationships tend to last longer and be more meaningful.
I remember taking my first Temple Lomi class years ago. There was a new girl nearby that was not skinny. As no one was working with her, I invited her over to work with me and the person I was working with. That person is still a good friend to this day as well as a wonderful therapist and all around good person.
Love by the heart. It makes so much sense and is profound beyond belief. It says that one sees someone's heart, no matter what gender. But that also transcends shape and size. It transcends looks. It transcends a lot of things and allows one to see the true person. It says so much. If you judge people (and we all do to some extent), judge by the heart, nothing more. Allow yourself to see the true inner person, not the outer wrapper.
I saw something recently that fits right in. It said "I don't judge people by their looks. I judge them by whether they're an asshole or not."
Love by the heart. Allow by the heart. And in return, give by the heart. You'll find that no truer form exists, and you'll get to know some really great people.