Warp Drive Lincoln

On seeing this, I wrote a newsletter article titled 'Warp 5, It's not just a good idea, It's the law'.  This of course was loosely based on the sayings that came out when the national speed limit was set at 55mph to conserve fuel. 

Well, I heard 'Hot Rod Lincoln', and things just seemed to fly together.  By the time I was done writing, I actually had to take out five verses as it was way too long.  As Frank put it, once he had said that he could play the tune, I just wrote 15 million verses in no time.  I based a lot of the lines on the original song, changing them slightly enough to make them work here.  One of the jokes thrown in at the end was based in a sign on the interstate highways as one entered Maryland.  The sign read "Welcome to Maryland, Maximum Speed 55, Please Drive Gently'.  Drive gently??

This one was special to me as it was a song I could perform, basically because it is a talking song instead of a singing song.  I don't sing.  I'm actually one of those people that couldn't carry a tune if I had a bucket.  As I was the MC for the Friday night Filk at the Shore Leave convention, this worked well as a filler between performing groups.  There usually was about a five minute setup delay in which I had to talk to fill time.  This worked as a great filler.

Keep in mind as you read this, this is about someone that is across some neutral zone from the federation.

I performed this with Frank after FreeFall's performance, and later at Darkover with the group Perregrynne.

To the tune of

Hot Rod Lincoln

Performed by

FreeFall, Iteration 3

Warp Drive Lincoln

By Brian Dean

My pappy said "son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin'

if you don't stop flying that warp drive Lincoln".

Have you heard the story of that fateful day,

when I took my speeder out to play

Well if you didn't hear what burst my bubble,

I'll tell you how I got into trouble.

My ship's a speeder with all the frills

I fly it when I want some thrills.

It's a real sleek performance machine

and I like to keep it real clean.

It's got a turbo impulse for sublight

and looks real good out on a flight.

It's got dual nacelles to keep alive

when I punch down into warp drive.

I left my home late one night

I was kinda itchin for a flight,

I asked my girl to come along

She never woulda guessed what could go wrong.

We were enjoyin the starry night

while keepin the speed down to sublight,

when right then in the wink of an eye

a ship came up and just blew on by.

My girl started giglin' and havin' a fit

and that kind of put me in a snit

She said "that ship just blew right past

and left you sittin' on your asss--tros".

Not one to be left behind,

I decided to let that Lincoln unwind

I said "Hold on baby we're gonna fly"

and punched the button that said warp drive.

The engines started crankin' in the back

and that Lincoln began takin up the slack

I looked down at the sensors read

that the other ship was just ahead.

It was a single manned ship foolin around

the pilot thought he'd just put me down

He thought he was right on track,

he'd never thought to start lookin' back.

I'd past warp six on the way to seven

as we sailed on through the heavens

That pilot then saw us comin'

and realized there was no use runnin'.

He made some turns and took a bend

I just knew I had him then

He pulled over then he sighed

and then we just passed him by.

I kept goin at that speed

wasn't paying direction much heed,

I knew that we were far from home

then I noticed we'd crossed the neutral zone.

Now in Federation space warp five's the speed

which I did kinda exceed

I hoped that I wouldn't get caught

I was in trouble 'fore I'd finished that thought.

I checked the sensors real fast

to see a commin a galaxy class

my warning lights started blinkin'

the Feds were after my warp drive Lincoln.

I opened her up and tried to run

The Feds didn't think that this was fun

They fired a shot across bow

that's when I got scared and how.

The Lincoln had just reached warp nine

when my girl decided to whine

"I want you to take me home

right back across the neutral zone".

The Lincoln started blowin smoke

it looked like a warp core overload,

I shut it down in time it would seem

just as they caught us in their tractor beam.

Ambassadors were called for my case

they knew that they couldn't keep face.

they said I had caused a jam

and wished I crashed into quicksand.

But they all came to get me out of jail

and brought my pappy to pay my bail.

He said "son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin'

if you don't stop flying that warp drive Lincoln'.

Welcome to Federation Space

Maximum Speed:

Warp 5

Please Drive Gently!