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Groundhog A Fake

By Fiona Ferret

You all may remember a few months back when George the Groundhog had been suspected dead.  As it turns out, he was actually vacationing at some remote beach resort in Maryland, but during the investigation (before he turned up), a lot of things came out that really jade George’s squeaky-clean image.

It seems that a lot of people were suspected of doing him in.  They like to make it look like everyone loves him, but if that was so, why was the list so long, hmmm?  It really seems like half of his company wanted him dead, not to mention his family and friends.  The cast of characters included the vice president of ShadowCasters, George’s secretary, his wife, his bimbo… er.. mistress, his psychic advisor, and even a local newspaper reporter. 

Starting from the top, it seems that Gerald Giraffe, George’s second in command was skimming money from the company profits.  It is somewhat understandable when you consider that a company that makes as much money as ShadowCasters, could afford to pay their top executives something more than minimum wage. 

Now his wife, Gertrude Groundhog, wanted him dead because he was fooling around with some bimbo, Delores Bunny, a showgirl from The Hot Spot Men’s Club.  It seems Gertrude caught them doing the ‘wild thing’ one weekend when she came home early from shopping.  I’ll bet the fur really flew then.   George ended up promising to stay with Gertrude, but that made Dumb …er… Delores Bunny angry enough to do him in as she believed George was going to dump his wife for her.  Uh huh.  Keep dreaming there, hon. 

And then there was that mystic, George had hired as a psychic advisor.  His name was Frederick Faux (pronounced fox).  He claimed to be the most psychic being since Kreskin.  Well, psychic, shmychic.  Let me tell you, this guy was so bad he couldn’t tell night was coming until it started to get dark.  I have no idea what George had on him, but he did keep him around.

Now someone that had a real grudge against George was that reporter, Harvey Hare.  As it turned out, Harvey’s real name is Richard Rabbit.  His last job was as a TV weathercaster for a local station.  He lost his job as a direct result of George’s company being successful. 

But, I’ve saved the best for last, George’s secretary, Margaret Moose.  She was actually hauled off to jail for his murder, and would have stayed there had he not turned up.  It seems that Margaret’s father was a noted scientist, and… George’s partner.  She claims that it was her father that created the weather-predicting machine that ShadowCasters uses exclusively.  Unfortunately, her father was hurt in a lab accident (at least that’s what they have been calling it), and ended up dying penniless.  All the patents then fell into George’s hot paws. 

Hmmm, quite a lot of scandal for a company that employs less than 300 people.  I think we should keep our eyes on this group for a while now.  You never can tell what dirt will be swept up.