Microsoft

A Microsoft Night Before Christmas

1996

We had finished the one poem for Florida, when we scratched our collective heads, and decided who to pick on next. This seemed like a good choice.

T’was the night before Christmas, and at Microsoft,
The employees were worried, Netscape entered their loft.
The icons were placed on their desktops with care,
In hopes that Bill Gates would send some help there.
The programmers nestled way deep in the code,
Hoping to keep to their Microsoft ode.
When down the hall there arose such a clatter,
They jumped from their seats wondering what was the matter.
The Save keys were pushed as they ran to their doors,
And hoped it was not the usual bores.
The lamp down the corridor was not too bright,
But was enough to see by, even in the dim light.
While remembering the days when they were called hacks,
They saw a young man, and eight software packs.
They recognized his features and all his traits,
They knew in that instant it must be Bill Gates.

More rapid than lightspeed, the software it came,
And he laughed and he cried and called them by name.
On, Windows! On, Office! On, Explorer, you bet,
With all this new software, we’ll beat Netscape yet.
From the floppy disc drive to the CD ROM,
This stuff will all work so you can go home to Mom.
Unlike old software that made systems crash,
These programs loaded, but used all the cache.
So loaded and running these new programs flew,
And off they then went with Bill Gates too.

Then in a twinkling, it was heard down the hall,
More shouting and cheering at the look of it all.
And just as the programmers had turned around,
Down the hallway Bill Gates came with a bound.
He was dressed in his usual, loose pants and a shirt,
But he’d tripped in the hall and fell in some dirt.
A bundle of software, he had on his back,
He looked like a peddler opening his sack.

His eyes how they sparked, his glasses they shined,
As he handed out software of every kind.
The stuff was just great, many features to peruse,
Most of which though would never be used.
He held up new languages, and then just for fun,
He held up another and said “Java anyone?”.
They all were so happy, Bill had heard their pleas,
He gave them the tools they’d need to succeed.
The lines were now drawn, the battle was set,
Now Microsoft would rule the vast internet.
He shook hands with his programmers, gave them a hug,
Then stopped as up popped another damned bug.
He dove down the hall like sledding a luge,
He went to patch it, with yet one more kluge.
But they heard him exclaim as his course now was set,
"Merry Christmas to all, see you all on the Net".

Brian and Shirley Dean

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