Newt Gingrich

Political: Newt Gingrich

Yet Another Night Before Christmas

1995

Having little time, and less creativity, we came up with one poem. We wanted to pick on something topical. Mr. Gingrich seemed to be at the top of all of the national joke lists. At that moment, it seemed like a good time to take the Ebenezer Scrooge tour.

It wasn't until later that I'd heard from my Dad that my mostly Republican relatives had commented on our poor choice of joke fodder. Oh well, you can't please everyone.

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the House,
Newt Gingrich was worried, folks thought him a louse;
He'd been snubbed by Clinton, and then furloughed workers;
Their budget he'd fix, he'd be a berserker.
"I won't give an inch, not even a dollar!
Who cares how much they scream and they holler!"
His decision made, he then hit the sack,
and settled in for a Christmas Eve nap,
When in the front office, there arose such a clatter,
he sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Now to the office he flew like a flash,
tripping three times on his bathrobe sash;
He entered the room and turned on the lights,
And what he saw there, filled him with fright.
It looked like Hilary Clinton, but moved way too fast,
he knew right then, it was the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Closer and closer, to him the ghost came,
and stopped right in front while calling him names;
"OK you turkey, you bozo, you clown,
we're taking a tour of this grand old town."
Then off they flew to see how Newt's past,
had led him to politics, at long last.
They saw how he bullied, cajoled, and coerced,
This was the beginning, it could only get worse.
When they were through, she took him on home,
to wait for a visitor, who would come alone.

And then came a sound from way down the hall,
Newt was afraid to define it at all.
As it entered the room, it was almost hesitant,
It looked like Bill Clinton, but was the
Ghost of Christmas President.
The ghost showed Newt how much he was hated,
And all while the budget was still being debated.
It then showed him his shoes, that he'd bought in the South,
they were shiny from spending so much time in his mouth.

To await the next spirit, Newt then returned home,
It was the future now, in which he would roam.
When the last ghost appeared, it came with a hush,
it was Mr. Limbaugh, his old pal Rush.
It said "I will show you what now is to come,
and conservatively speaking, you will not have fun."
The ghost took Newt to an ugly landfill,
saying "This place will end your days on the Hill.
You died from an illness, now you're six feet under,
it all was your fault, because of your blunder.
It came from a bill you would not expense,
you transferred the funds, from Medicare to Defense."
Then Newt returned home where he awoke with a shake,
He thought, "It's a dream, now the day's plans I'll make."
But then the phone rang, and he answered it quickly,
the voice that he heard made his skin feel all prickly.
It was the last voice that he'd heard in the night,
saying "Merry Christmas to all, and for once, get it right!"

Brian and Shirley Dean

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