Gnomes on the Range
True gnome stories from ABCNews.com
To the tune of
Home on the Range
Performed by
On The Mark
We were creating our garden space in the back yard. One of the ornaments to it was a couple of gnome statuettes. We immediately came across the line ‘gnomes on the range’. It took a more wicked twist when Shirley came up with the second meaning. So, I sat down one day, and flushed out the first version which we then perfected to this. It was a week afterward that Shirley came up with another verse twist, and that got added to the end. On the Mark current performs this song. It was fascinating watching the crowd as the song was sung. Most had not heard it before. When the second meaning of range became apparent, one person just dropped his head into his hands, shaking it back and forth. It was so wonderful being at the performance at Darkover when they pointed me out as the evil mind behind this. It was even nicer when people came up to me telling me things like ‘You are a sick individual. I like people like you.”
Gnomes On The Range
by Brian and Shirley Dean
When they came to town
The word got around
They were small and funny and strange,
But then came the news,
And we got the blues,
They’d scared all the wildlife away
(chorus) There’s gnomes, gnomes on the range
Where the deer and the antelope played
Where now oft is heard
A discouraging word,
They’ve scared all the wildlife away
Now, the panic went ’round,
There was no game near town
We would all just go hungry today,
Where food did abound,
There was none to be found
We’d soon pack up and be on our way.
Gnomes, gnomes on the range
Where the deer and the antelope played
Where now oft is heard
Some discouraging words.
They’ve scared all the wildlife away
Now Buford had a thought,
It was for all, or naught,
He thought it would have the town saved,
There’s still game around
And it’s just come to town
We’re hunting some gnomes here today.
Gnomes, gnomes on the range
Where the deer and the antelope played
Where now can be heard
An encouraging word.
We’re hunting some gnomes here today.
Now, when you come to town,
There’s a treat to be found.
It’s so good, it will make your tongue sway.
Whether it’s day or night,
You’ll be filled with delight
It will please even stubborn gourmets.
Gnomes, gnomes on the range
With salt and butter sautéed,
An Epicurean’s delight
You’ll enjoy every bite
It will please even stubborn gourmets.
Yes, gnomes, gnomes on the range
With salt and butter sautéed,
An Epicurean’s delight
You’ll enjoy every bite
It will please even stubborn gourmets.
(additional verse and chorus, if desired)
Oh give me a gnome, on a hot buttered roll,
With a fresh garden salad on the side,
The cook’s never heard,
A discouraging word,
We like them both broiled and pan-fried.
Gnomes, gnomes on the range
With garlic and butter sautéed,
They come on a roll,
With a soda to go,
It’s the latest new take out food craze.